Monday, 18 February 2013

Brain Lost in Translation

Hmmm my brain has been switched of all day basically, my counselor only got 3 sentences out of me today although those were written down. since she doesn't know a lot about autism and is new to me, she asked me if i could process what was happening around me, and in my reply to her i said that I process things fast but takes longer to respond, so she suggested that i try mindfulness so we tried that, which really i didn't notice anything like it didn't calm me down or anything like , so when we finished mindfulness she asked me what was going on in my brain and all i could type was that my brain was too fidgety today and thats all i could notice of what was happening during mindfulness like it was way too overwhelming for me, was too intense, and so there goes my mind for the rest of the session until she tried to bring me out of it, suggesting perhaps i try and this sand box thing which she had and lots of plastic toys to try and communicate what was going on, she did show me how to do it, and although her talking me through it and showing me how to do it, reasonable calmed the fidgety thing, it didn't completely bring me to my normal self. So then she brought the paper and crayons out to see if i could draw what was going on inside my brain, and guess this time i got through by does drawing patches of bright colours all smudge into one another that my thoughts were going way too fast for me to communicate them across, and then she got me to try and write down something which i did of course which took all my energy out of me in the last 5 mins of which i wrote

 "I can do stuff some days and gain certain things, and then the next thing I know its all disappeared, like someone has stolen it, and I have to go on a hunt to claim back my gains and abilities but that this hunt but that it takes forever to get it back"

she interpreted this as part of her contributing to the loss gains, but really no one can make me feel like this. This is the normal journey for someone with autism, they can gain skills in certain areas and then the next thing they know they are 5 step back but still 2 steps forward if you get what I mean!  

It basically feels like my brain is lost in translation between autism and the world. And you just need some help to get out of this stuckness! But I felt like this all day today, and I have only just started to come right, and now its bed time!

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